Breaking Through
by Variana Croft
Summary: This is a story about the Teen Titans...and about a girl named Terra. A girl that lost faith in herself and let herself fall down into a darkness that she conquered...but only a little. Terra's awake now...can she mend what is broken between the Titans?
1. Breaking The Mold

_**This is the end my friends**_

_**The last battle before we part ways**_

_**I have always dreamed about this day in my night mares**_

_**Good-bye**_

_**There's still so many things that I've wanted to say**_

_**But I've never had the courage to tell you**_

_**So many times I've wanted to sit down and explain**_

_**My life has been spent in shadows and I...**_

_**I feared I couldn't change**_

_**This voice of mine has been drowned in self-doubt**_

_**So afraid that you'd hurt me I ran away before giving you a chance**_

_**Coward that I am you drew me back in**_

_**Held me like a precious china doll**_

_**And then I let myself fall**_

_**I was afraid and angry again**_

_**Afraid I would hurt you**_

_**Angry that I was soi weak**_

_**It has become so much easier to run**_

_**To let myself go**_

_**Become the monster I knew I had always been**_

_**I attempted to annihilate everything I knew**_

_**Everything that nade me humane**_

_**It was you**_

_**Trying to save me even as I betrayed you**_

_**I knew strength then**_

_**I am what I choose to be**_

_**What I want to be**_

_**The only one that was stopping me **_

_**Was myself**_

_**I used to be a girl named Terra**_

_**Now I do not know who I am**_

_**I have lost my identity**_

_**My friends**_

_**My purpose**_

_**And now I'm losing my soul**_

_**I used to be a girl named Terra**_

_**Used to love to hear someone call my name**_

_**I used to be a girl named Terra**_

_**Who am I**_

_**Can someone...help me?**_

**Awake.** I lay cold and naked on the warm ground, my eyesight fuzzy and my breath ragged. Couldn't see a damn thing. Something soft was beneath me; silky to the touch. Blinking hard I tried to focus but all I could see were dark outlines; upon breathing in I knew I was somewhere in the Earth. But I couldn't quite remember what had happened. I remember voices and I remember the taste of salty tears and scorching heat. I remember feeling a powerful anger...and then...that voice again. **-You are the best friend I've ever had.-** Those words...they rolled off my tongue so easily and I felt that I had said them. And then the awful realization hit me. A flood of memories bombarded my mind and I felt warmth on my cheeks...I touched them and felt water coursing down them. Letting it rain down I touched my wet fingers to my lips and tasted the tears of true sorrow as I gasped for air. I remembered falling asleep in the warm embrace of Earth. It cradled me in sleep...let me rest after I had over-exerted myself to save my friends...to save Beast Boy...to save...the people of Jump City...but I didn't save myself. The Earth did. After forcing the volcano back into slumber I remember the rock closing over me and how I didn't fight it as the horrid smell of sulfur and my own sadness filled me up. I even remember screaming but it wasn't the same...I was so angry...so very angry. But now the Earth has decided that I must wake and face the world but I am not so sure that I can. I have done so many things and yet...I was given a second chance. I wasn't going to mess up this time.

I felt dirt roll of my skin as I tried to stand; my legs too weak to support me. I fell and felt something that wasn't part of the rock...Words. Tracing them with my quivering fingers I felt the tears come again. **Terra - A teen titan. A true friend.** Curling up by the stone I allowed myself to sleep...this was a new beginning for me. But it also meant that something within had ended. I had night mares within night mares but the earth spoke to me, rumbled beneath me and wrapped its arms around me, rocking me to sleep in a way my mother never could. In a way my mother never would. I dreamt of Slade mostly and of how he had used me. My body was his to command I did...disgusting things. Horrible things that people would hate me for. I almost killed the only people that had cared about me including a boy that had always seen something special in me even if I couldn't or wouldn't see it. I had to rest and save my strength because tomorrow I would go up and into the sunlight...I had to. I wanted to. I needed to see if I could make amends.

**Meanwhile...**

As Terra slept the Titans worried over their favorite tofu-loving Beast Boy. He'd changed ever since Terra had sacrificed herself to save their lives from the volcano...and herself. Even Raven did not have a disparaging remark about the girl that had been both friend and enemy to them all. Beast Boy had locked himself in his room and one could only catch glimpses of him at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And then when he went to put flowers by Terra's statue and then to look for a cure. Not even StarFire could coax him out of his room or out of his depression-induced stupor. So they merely watched over him...sometimes getting a peek of his room...the walls covered with pictures of Terra and bulletin boards of possible cures. Raven began expressing concern but they would do nothing. Not yet anyway. There were still many things to be done...so many repairs to help with...so many people to take care of. After Slade's minute reign of terror many villains had moved in and now the Titans had their hands full with throwing criminals in jail or sometimes even worse...but Beast Boy didn't or couldn't help them. If he said two words to them they would be blessed to even hear the echo of their words. They were annoyed by his actions but what could they do that would not be unjust?

StarFire was the only one that Beast Boy ever talked to but it was only to tell her where he was going because she hovered after him like a worried mother. Raven said nothing about it but that was Raven. She didn't have to...she was an Empath after all but she kept her thoughts and her emotions to herself most of the time. Cyborg and Robin dealt with it as expected...they said nothing and trained a lot more. The life at the Tower had taken a monotonous turn, the chain only broken by the occasional call for aid against some criminal. And then they worked as a team then...pretending for one moment that things hadn't changed...but Beast Boy wasn't there for the fights anymore either. He was off...trying to help Terra in anyway he could. Making deals and bargaining dangerously; ignoring the fact that he sometimes didn't have what was requested. But all the things he'd come up with didn't work...but Beast Boy would not give up. He simply refused to accept the fact that Tara might never come back.

As time progressed things worsened...and then...Beast Boy left. Just packed up his stuff one day and gave the girls a kiss on the cheek and disappeared out the door into the warm sunshine, leaving them to stare after him. Sometimes they caught him sleeping at Terra's statue but then he'd disappear and they wouldn't hear from him for a while...it was the same cycle all over again and the Titans were getting sick of it. One year had passed...and nothing changed. Something had to happen...the cycle had to be broken.

**Beast Boy's Journal**

_Terra's gone but she'll come back. I know she will. She has to come back because I'm still here waiting for her...and she won't keep waiting for much longer...I hope she remembers me when she wakes up...I hope...I've tried everything to cure her and I won't stop...not for a second. Terra deserves better then what I can give her but I want her to come back. I keep having dreams about her, where she's hugging me like she did before...before IT happened. She's whispering something that I can't hear but I want to...I can't believe how much I want to hear what she's saying but I...I can't and I try to hear and then sound goes away...and then she touches my cheek and smiles and the earth seems to suck her under, leaving me alone. All alone for so long...I can't go back to the Tower...I can't go back and look at all their sad faces...angry faces. StarFire has always been there. She's so happy and then I make her sad because I am sad and she doesn't understand some things. She confessed that to me...but she said that she understood how I felt. _

_Raven understands too...I know she can feel me...hear my emotions and everything and that's another reason why I left the Tower. I didn't want what I was thinking and feeling to affect her but it did and I'm sorry that it happened. I never meant to hurt anyone but I did because I was hurting. I moved into this apartment and I've been doing fine by myself...at least I want StarFire and the others to think that. They have to or they'll try and drag me back by my pointy ears. I want something better for all of them. They deserve that much from someone like me. If I can bring Terra back then all my problems will sort themselves out, like they always do when she's around. It's always easier when you have her around...even if she was the enemy. Even if she still is the enemy. Even if she was dangerous she was something I needed...something I wanted. She liked me...she cried for me. She helped me become something more than I am and I thank her for that. Someone that gives so much shouldn't be left in a hard prison of cold stone. I won't let her stay there...someone might come along and break the statue...and then what will happen? What will I do? I will no longer have a purpose._

_I have to keep trying to bring her back because if I can't succeed at that I can't succeed at anything. I want to win this one...by myself. WITHOUT the help of the people I used to call my friends. I need to do this myself to prove that I can. I have to do something that people will remember me by. With the others I'm just another Titan...and I used to like that...it used to fit me so well but now it's nothing to me anymore. Soon people forgot my name...and I didn't care anymore that I'd lost my identity. I WANT TO KNOW WHO I AM! I WANT TO BREAK THE MOLD!_

_-Beast Boy_


	2. Blood, Dirt, and Tears

**My name is Terra.**

**I have done bad things.**

**I have betrayed my friends.**

**I have broken every trust we had.**

**I have become a monster that everyone fears.**

**My name is Terra.**

**I was born into a world that did not understand me.**

**I was born into a world that hated and feared me.**

**I was born into a life that was cursed.**

**I will conquer this darkness. **

**My name is Terra.**

**I am alive.**

**I am not dead.**

**I am a butterfly.**

**Let me spread my wings.**

The earth urged me awake with the dire warning of danger...something bad was happening above ground. I shot up and hissed in pain...something was hurting. I opened my eyes slowly and was surprised to find that I could see! Studying my surroundings that horrible day came back to me once more in a tidal wave of frenzied emotions and blurred images. Slade made me so very angry...so angry that I broke myself in two just to be rid of him. But I wasn't. I know that now. I know many things now that I have been given the chance to think and reflect on all that I have done. I searched my body for an injury that I knew must be there and I found them...the Earth had taken Slade's armor from my body but at a price. I have my scars crisscrossing my body now and some of the wounds have not healed yet...I must have torn them when I moved. I touched the place where those cables had been put into my skull...wounds lay there as well. Dried blood and new blood soaking my hair...I was a mess. I will not deny that. I inspected myself thoroughly and realized that I had grown inside that stone casing. How long had I been asleep? Rearranging myself so that I was on my knees I braced myself and pushed upward. Various bones cracked and groaned as I swayed unsteadily before righting myself completely.

Danger...danger...tremors were snaking through the earth...even I could feel them at this level. I growled under my breath...anger. I was getting angry again...no...no. I had to calm down or I would become...I inhaled deeply and exhaled...chanting my mantra over and over until I felt confidence returning. Closing my eyes I raised my arms and the earth moved me up towards the surface at a frightening speed. I was in power again...I was in control. I had a purpose. To stop the danger that the Earth had warned me of and then to find the Titans, to make amends.

**Meanwhile...**

The morning began at the Tower as it usually did nowadays...StarFire would arise first to watch the sunrise as she tended to her garden...Robin would train for a few hours...Raven would meditate in perfect silence, readying herself for a potentially stressful day. Cyborg would appear from his bed room and make breakfast, calling everyone down. They were relatively happy but still, they missed the humor of Beast Boy, albeit it could be sometimes annoying. Every time a foreign noise was made they, at first, thought that it was Beast Boy...coming back with apologies in hand...but no more. StarFire had become the only one who ever went to visit the rogue Titan, sometimes coming just to talk or to convince him to come back, but to no avail. They all resumed their lives as though nothing had happened, as though Terra and Beast Boy did not exist. Sometimes this puzzled StarFire, for she, with all her social ineptitudes, always remembered friends. Things were happening just as the future that she had been thrown into once predicted...only more slowly then before.

Rising up from tending her whimsical garden StarFire stretched and gazed towards the rising sun with the faintest glimmer of a smile. She had always liked watching it rise...knowing that perhaps one day it would never rise again. She appreciated the small gifts this life gave her, the friends she had made. She loved them all...but she was secretly afraid. Her fear was something she never truly confessed to; never told anyone else about because they could no longer help her. She was the only one that could save their friendship, it seemed. For the others suddenly did not seem to care. Without all of them together they were not truly the Teen Titans. Emerald eyes sparkled with tears of confusion as words were uttered quietly from her lips. **"I cannot change the future...if only Terra were here. Beast Boy would be happy and everyone would rejoice and be as one...as we were..."**

In her room Raven meditated...relaxing her body and attempting to rid herself of bothersome emotions that might cause her own powers to spin out of control. Her body had loosened during the time she spent relaxing...darkness fluttering in and obscuring the faces of her friends as she slipped into an almost-dream. Heart beat slowing as the Half-Demon began to sway from side to side, stumbling over her mantra. **"Azarath, metrion, synthos....Azarath....metri-"**Words were lost to her as StarFire's pain beckoned, the sounds of her keening filtering in and filling up the holes that had once existed. Raven shook her head in annoyance and sighed softly...StarFire had been doing this every morning now since Beast Boy had left the Tower.

"**She shouldn't waste her time mourning his loss...he will return once he realizes that nothing he could ever do will change what has happened to that traitor." **She started, amazed at how angry and ugly those words had sounded just then. In spite of herself she felt pangs of guilt course through her..._You are cruel to say such things. Such comments warrant yourself more trouble and sorrow at your friends' expense. _Chiding words fading to an echo Raven shook herself out before beginning her meditations once more.

Cyborg was busying himself in the kitchen, preparing breakfast for the remainder of his friends. Cyborg was as good a cook as any...with Beast Boy gone they no longer had to suffer through eating tofu. But even though he was gone they still kept it in the back of the fridge in the quiet hopes that maybe one day he would return. Cyborg tried not to think about his wayward buddy...focusing his attentions on scrambling the eggs and cooking the bacon at the same time. It was easier not to think if you had things to do. So Cyborg had turned himself into the Repair Man...fixing up everything and updating everything in sight. Sometimes Raven came to help him...the two working in comfortable silence until one needed a part or asked a question of the other. Out of all of them Cyborg and Raven had the most easy-going relationship. They were simply more comfortable around each other then Robin and StarFire where they lived in the land of awkward silences and embarrassed pauses.

Sighing softly as the eggs and bacon were ready he pressed a button and spoke over the inter-com; the tinny echoes of his voice bouncing off the walls and eventually coming back to him where he stood, alone in the kitchen.

Robin had been busy training when Cyborg's voice drifted in and interrupted him. Breakfast. He ceased in his assault on the forlorn punching bag, debating whether or not he should go down to breakfast. Things seemed to be getting harder...not easier as Robin had secretly hoped it would be with Beast Boy's departure from the Tower. Withdrawing from the training room he exited out into the corridor...a cool draft of air created by the doors sliding closed behind him. He was given reason for pause because just then StarFire appeared, her hands clasped in front of her and her gaze downcast. He felt his mask tilt up in confusion as he spoke out softly, breaking the solemn silence,

"**StarFire, is something wrong?" **His voice brought her from her reverie so fast that her cranium almost hurt from the speed it took when it shot up in surprise. She hadn't been paying attention to where she was going and now she had ended up where Robin had spent most of his time since Beast Boy had gone. Managing a small smile as she processed his words she found herself speaking in a quiet, not-so-exuberant voice.

"**Oh...no, Robin...nothing is wrong. It is just that nothing...nothing is right. I was thinking about Beast Boy. I miss him." **_I miss us...the way we used to be._ Her emerald gaze ascended upward to meet his solemn gaze...the tall alien girl pausing mid-step. She was so close to him...she could see the shifts in his mask, his facial expressions not entirely hidden from her.

"**I think we all miss him, StarFire...it's just that.—"**

"**I do not like these excuses, Robin! We are his friends and we are supposed to be together, are we not? We were the Teen Titans once but now we have lost that faith in ourselves! What is happening to us? We ARE drifting apart...just like the future I saw. I am...I am sick and tired of being the only one that will communicate with Beast Boy .Do you have nothing to say to him?! Nothing to say at all?" **Her emerald eyes were suffused with anger as she went rigid...her lips thinning to a straight line of sorrowful fury.

"**We still are the Teen Titans, Star...we still are...we're just different people now...things change here on Earth."**

"**And so you seek to exclude me from the population that dwells here on this planet? I do not understand you at all anymore, Robin! You are deceiving yourself! You will not see what I see...what everyone else sees. The Teen Titans are no more without all of us together! I do not like that you lost faith in Beast Boy...can you not see that he needs us more than ever now? He has lost his Terra...and we have not been helping him find a cu-"**

"**THERE IS NO CURE, STAR! THERE ISN'T ANYTHING WE CAN DO TO HELP TERRA!" **Robin's eyes flashed as his voice was raised...StarFire's eyes widening before she pushed past him, a forlorn expression on her face.

"**We are drifting, Robin...the Teen Titans are dying."**

_The Teen Titan are dying...dying...dying..._the words echoed over and over in the young man's mind...his jaw clenching as he stormed after her. She was right...but Dick Grayson was not going to admit this. He had to keep hoping things would fix themselves. What disturbed him even more was the fact that he KNEW and yet he did nothing....

They ate breakfast in a tense silence...casting covert glances at one another, as though nervous that one might explode into a million pieces. Finally that tense silence was broken by the familiar tones of a city in need. **"Titans, trouble!" **The words shot from his mouth automatically...and everyone jumped to their feet and darted out the door....Raven helping Cyborg move faster as they flew together...StarFire and Robin temporarily forgetting their troubles as they flew towards the source of the problem.

An unpleasant stench greeted their nasal cavities and they all choked; eyes streaming. It smelled of rotting flesh...garbage. Fish. Raven had the sense to put up a shield...trapping the disgusting scent from outside as they approached the dark cloud ahead...right in the middle of the city. **"Whatever is producing that disgusting stench...it's made of dead things...or maybe it is already dead." **_Just be careful... _the warning was in her words...a collective intake of breath taken as they moved forward, gazing around them. Moving into the dense cloud they could see nothing...the shield removed Raven took a breath and turned, **"It is breatha---"**

A large object swung down from the skies, hitting Raven before she could react...sending her out of the cloud and out of sight. **"RAVEN!" **Cyborg blundered through the culminating shadows...presumably towards whatever had knocked his friend out of commission. StarFire jettisoned forward with Robin's hand still clutched tightly in hers, emerald eyes glowing bright neon green...the color of her anger. Hearing the angry roars of the creature they were to fight, they soon saw the creature responsible for the horrific smell...and the terror of the citizens.

The creature possessed three red eyes...set in the middle of it's disgusting body...rotting flesh dropping in ribbons from the slathering mouth and various other parts of the body. Large horns adorned its head...curling out and then inward like a ram's. Cyborg was already ripping into the creature like there was no tomorrow...Raven joining him as the creature moved with frightening speed ripping and knocking at the creatures as though they were not but harmless flies. A dull roar emitted forth as fetid drool spilled downward. One meaty arm smashing cruelly into StarFire before she could get in a second shot...knocking her to the ground which she promptly shot up from...a scream of rage escaping from parted lips as the Titans began to draw the behemothian corpse backwards and down the street...the cloud moving with them.

"**What...what is that thing?" **Robin asked once he could properly catch his breath. His eyes were wide, fixated upon the monstrous creature blundering blindly about...crashing into buildings as it sought to get away from the source of its pain. The four Teen Titans. It had to rid itself of the bothersome creatures...had to find what had awoken it.

So as the Teen Titans advanced upon it once more he stumbled forward, a guttural roar that shook the windows from their panes reverberating in the heads of all who were to bear witness to the fight. As StarFire attacked she was knocked back by one of the rotting arms...knocking into Raven and sending them crashing into the pavement, the force of the impact rendering the two unconscious. Robin and Cyborg diverted the creature's attention...making sure the creature would not turn around...but then...it did and a meaty paw was suddenly driving downward...towards them...so close...too close. **"NOOOO!!!"**

But then a roaring that preceded all rational thought erupted not from the beast that they were fighting...but from the ground...before the creature could hit the two unconscious girls a wave of rock shrouded the arm...someone that they had never expected to see again had reappeared from out of the ground. Robin and Cyborg gaped...in shock at the familiar figure standing in the rocky dust. Terra's voice was quiet...but loud enough for them to hear what she was saying to the creature struggling in the Earth that had imprisoned its arm. **"Do...not touch...my...friends." **Raven and StarFire awoke just as a wave of rock rose up from the street. Raven's eyes widened as did StarFire's watching in stunned awe as the disgusting creature began to sink into the ground...roaring and screaming as it was dragged into a stony silent grave from which there was no escape.

The boulder that Terra had been levitating upon sunk towards the ground...as the dust settled and the black cloud dispersed Cyborg and Robin gaped and turned their backs. Terra had slowly risen to her feet...blood covering her face and hair...and parts of her body...long locks woven with obsidian hid her chest. StarFire and Raven gaped a moment more before they both rushed forward...draping their cloaks around the exhausted girl as she sagged against him. She had not been fully recovered upon taking on that monster...she had over-exerted herself once more. **"I-I'm sorry..."**

"**It's alright, Terra...let's just get you home...we'll help you get better..." **Raven was surprised at the concern in her voice...apparently the boys had noticed as well because they were looking at her now with a curious expression on their faces; still in shock.

"**Home..." **Terra whispered softly...looking around she suddenly looked quite frightened.

"**Where's Beast Boy?"**


	3. Fragmented Greetings

**Author's Note: **I have been receiving some awesome reviews for my story...and I'm glad that everyone likes it so far. I hope I can kep delivering excellant chapters. By the way, the song that I will be using in this one is called "No Brains" the song is by Sum 41. Whew...I'm doing a lot of typing between this story and my CowBoy Bebop one...check it out some time. And yes, I'm a shameless advertiser for my work. . 

**----**

**Can't step in my way**

**Head first and love and dismay**

**It's like beating the dead**

**I can't stop going out on my head**

**Whatever this could be I never know**

**I never said it'd be the end all to be all**

**I hate you today **

**I can't find a way**

**Don't drag me down now**

**Good-bye...**

**-Beast Boy-**

Beast Boy took a long drag on my cigarette before casting it away...watching it land on the ground without a sound...the embers flying in every direction._ I really should stop smoking...but it's become to me like chocolate is to depressed girls. _Beast Boy had changed during the year that Terra had been...in that stone. He had stopped being friends with the Titans...he'd moved out of the Tower...he had grown taller than he had previously thought. He'd helped his body fill out more by punishing it with grueling work-outs everyday. Curing Terra meant everything. Now he wore only one color: Black...but that didn't really count as a color did it? It was the absence of color...the absence of life. Black was pregnant with possibilities...pregnant with despair. He'd even gotten a few tattoos. Beast Boy was growing up...much faster than any of his friends. But not because it it just happened. He was forcing himself to mature...to become more and more responsible because he hadn't a clue what Terra would be like if she ever woke up. _Don't use if...it sounds so negative. Yeah well I haven't exactly been Miss Mary Sunshine lately...can ya blame me?_

Eyes were set upon the darkening road ahead as the first whiff of something wrong finally greeted his senses...he was heading towards Terra's place of imprisonment. Running a hand through his hair...streaked now with black...an experiment that had at first looked wrong until StarFire fixed it for him. Yeah, he still talked to Star...sometimes. Lips were quirked downward as his pace began to quicken into a brisk walk...the walk turning into a trot...and the trot to a full-out run. Panic tore at his heart like a rabid beast, snarling at him that something was wrong and that he had to get to Terra right away. _I'm comin' Terra! I'll protect...you. _Breath catching in his throat he dove into the chamber that held her, scrambling to his feet he ran forward but stopped...his eyes wide and sightless as he fell to his knees in shocked defeat.

She wasn't there. Shards of her statue were everywhere...everywhere...littering the ground were shards of a broken girl. All the glue in the world couldn't put her back together. He couldn't fix it...why was he so useless? The cigarette fell from his lips and anger coursed through him as he hung his head, his shoulders heaving as his grief poured from him...finger tips touching a shard of her face...a piece that held her eyes. Staring at them he brushed his tears away and placed a reverent kiss on the cold stone. _The others must have done this...but I can't believe they'd..._his thoughts became disjointed as jagged sobs shook his body once more. Never once noticing the hole in the roof that led out to the sunlight. Folding in on himself like a rag doll he vowed with every word that he would gain vengence for Terra. _Terra...Terra...wherever you are...I'm so sorry that...that I failed._

_**"TERRA!!!"**_

**Meanwhile...**

**-Terra-**

No one would tell me what happened to Beast Boy...or even where he was. And I was much too weak to complain or protest and demand to know why Beast Boy wasn't with them. Some excuse, eh? I knew that as I roared upward and out of the Earth that I was over-exerting myself once more but I wasn't dangerously doing so. I had to save my friends. Yes, I still thought of them as my friends even though I had denied it before. After I was finished I could see Cyborg and Robin staring at me...and for the first time I realized that I didn't have any clothes on. I felt heat rushing to my cheeks as they turned their backs...and surprise as Raven and StarFire came forward and covered me with their cloaks. _Why were they so kind to me? What had I done to deserve this treatment? _Tears made trails down my cheeks as Cyborg carried me back to the Tower...my eyes were so heavy that I couldn't help but fall asleep...when I awoke StarFire and Raven were hovering about me with worried expressions.

I tried to lift and arm but my body felt so heavy...as though I was trying to emerge from water where my limbs were so weightless...where gravity did not exist. My eyes were open...and I could see them...but they didn't notice that...they were talking to each other in hushed tones, as though I were on my deathbed. Was I? Had I only broken out to die? I hoped not...I prayed not. I wanted to see sunshine again...and Beast Boy...and the rest of the Titans. I wanted to know what they thought of me...if I was still worthy. I was tired of not following my heart and letting someone else think for me...I was so angry that I had let Slade control me...so angry that I ...no...calm down. I don't want them in danger...

**"Where is...Beast Boy?"**

_Raven and StarFire traded worried looks and I felt my heart beat quicken...what had happened? Had Beast Boy...no...he couldn't have.._ My eyes searched their face for an answer...any answer. My lower lip trembled...I was going to cry again. I wrenched my arms up and covered my face with my hands...whispering in a broken voice,** "He's dead isn't he? I...I...did I kill him when...what happened? Why isn't he here?"** The edge of hysteria was biting into my voice and oh how I despised it but...Beast Boy...the thought of him dead made my heart sick. How I wished he was here...but they weren't telling me anything...their eyes just seemed to sad and...well...I...I just couldn't take it anymore.

**"Please...I have to know...what...happened...to Beast Boy? You have to tell me...I have to know...I have to know..." **Tears spilled down my cheeks...the salty bitterness stinging me...making me wince a little.

StarFire shook her head and my despair heightened until she spoke, **"He has left us, Friend Terra...he has gone out on his own into a darkness I do not understand. He...he is alive...I believe but he left us here...he is out now...on the streets somewhere...I do not know where he is now...only where he has come to dwell--" **She hesitated a moment and glanced uncomfortably down at her hands..wringing them slightly as Raven took up where she left off.

**"He has changed, Terra. Ever since you've been in that stone he's done nothing else but search for cures...for you. He wanted you out of there...and soon his searching got in the way of helping others...so he left. He won't come back...only StarFire goes to see him now." **Her gravelly voice broke a little...the downcast mood that surrounded them was almost too much to bear....too much.

**"Can you take m--" **A roar filled the air...shaking..shaking...splitting my head open with it's angry sound. StarFire flew out the back dazed as Beast Boy's angry scream shooed her back in. **"WHAT DID YOU DO TO TERRA!? WHY DID YOU BREAK HER!? WHY..." **The barest sounds of Robin's foot steps and the thunder claps that belonged to Cyborg resounded as they ran towards the angry changeling that had taken on the form of a prehistoric monster that looked oddly like something from StarFire's home planet of Tamaran.

**"Beast Boy...BEAST BOY!"** Voices...StarFire had gone to him...I called his name but it was lost in the shouting...my vision was blurry as I slowly wiped the tears away...they were dragging him here but he was wrecking things. I heard glass smash and angry voices....they were pushing him in here...

Curling up in the embrace of the blankets my vision flickered when I saw him...he had changed...but that dumb-founded look that laced his vision was not all to unfamiliar. He stood there in the doorway and I stirred restlessly...trying to shrink and hide. **"Hello...Beast Boy..."**


	4. Anybody Seen My Baby?

**Author's Note: **Hey everybody! So far the reviews are good! Keep 'em comin' and I'll keep the chappies comin'. The below is a Rolling Stones song. :-P I love 'em...always been a Stoner girl. Anyvay...most of these chapters will start being Rolling Stones song titles...bwahaha!!

**

* * *

**

**-BeastBoy-**

_She confessed her love to me_

_Then she vanished_

_On the breeze_

_Trying to hold on to that_

_Was just impossible_

_She was more than beautiful_

_Closer to ethereal_

_With a kind of_

_Down to earth flavor_

_Close my eyes_

_It's three in the afternoon_

_Then I realize_

_That she's really_

_Gone for good_

_Anybody seen my baby_

_Anybody seen her around_

_Love has gone_

_And made me blind_

_I've looked but I just can't find_

_She has gotten lost in the crowd_

_I was flippin' magazines_

_In that place on Mercer Street_

_When I thought I spotted her_

I had come to expect the worst of my friends in those brief red moments of rage...I had called them all unforgivable names under my breath; knowing none of them would possibly live to hear them as I screamed it over their corpses. They had broken Terra...they had broken her! I had tears everywhere...streaking down my face and smearing the black kohl that had lined my eyes...yeah, yeah...I had worn it...so what. Is it a law that only Johnny freakin' Depp can? Anyway, I was on the verge of a severe mental break-down. I could already feel the fortress of my mind weakening with the knowledge that I had failed so horribly...so horrifically terribly. I could hardly see as I choked my way down the street; gasping for air by the time I reached the pier and began to shift into a pterodactyl...my wings spreading out; bearing me aloft.

I can't explain flying to you...the first time I tried it, it was amazing...like spinning up into clouds of silver whip cream and letting dew drops cover you as the wind whistles and whirls around you. Pulling you higher and higher until...yeah well let's just say flying is an amazing thing. I was flying towards the Tower at break-neck speed, my eyes narrowed and my beak open as a shrill scream of fury was torn from me. Disoriented I picked up speed and flew through a window...shifting instantly into my humanoid form. The yellow glass fell like a curtain of water behind me...shards of it tinkling against the ground and dancing in my glassy vision. Everything was fuzzy...like poofy cotten from a jacket...or maybe even cotton candy.

The glass barely had time to settle before I was changing again...feeling my limbs stretching and snapping into different positions...I could do it so fast that I barely felt the pain anymore...I could feel the muscles in my legs and back growing bigger, stronger...I was turning into one of those thingies on StarFire's home planet. Y'know..the big doggie things that freak just about everyone out? Anyway, I started smashing everything and screaming at the top of my lungs...which meant I was shaking the entire tower as I stampeded through it...so angry. Red everywhere and my so-called friends no where.

**"COWARDS!!! FUCKING COWARDS, COME OUT AND FACE ME!!!"**

**CRASH!! BANG!! SCREECH!** I was tearing it down...had to find them...they were here some where...I could smell them. Feel them...the rats. Hiding...hiding from me. Then I heard them..footsteps and the fearful voice of StarFire trying to calm me down. I couldn't see her...I only saw Robin and Cy...so small and insignificant...and yet they were the source of my rage. My eyes narrowed and before I knew what was happening I was human again...screaming at them as StarFire nervously called me over. Liars...liars...

I saw her. Wrapped up in the blankets. Cocooned in their warm comfort and safe from me and my madness. She turned to me and spoke but I couldn't speak I just stood there like an idiot in the doorway; my shoulders sagging with the exhaustion of being crazy/angry as it blew out of me in a deep sigh. Staring at her. I had to get 't see her properly...why was she so...so white? I took a tenative step closer...gulping for breath as Raven and StarFire brushed past me and hid outside the doorway; peeking in to probably make sure I didn't harm her. Terra.

**"Terra?" **

**Terra**

He looked so sad standing there...slumped over and so tired. He'd changed so much...were those scars I saw racing up and down his arms? What had he done to his hair? There were black smudges under his eyes...whether that was from the lack of sleep or perhaps from whatever he was wearing I don't know but...I struggled to sit up, wincing at the effort of keeping myself steady. Tears were beginning to flow again as he came closer...closer. I could see every fault line on his face...every drop of guilt glittering in his eyes. Where had he gotten that? Where was MY BB? What had happened to make him change so much?

He was staying a good three feet away from me...why was he standing so far away? My vision was blurry with salty tears again...God, I could hardly see a damn thing...I could feel my lips quivering as I whispered his name, **"Beast Boy...please come here..." **I was irritated by my appearance because I knew that, that was what was giving him pause. I was wrapped almost head to toe in white bandages...like a mummy from Egypt...hadn't been there quite yet. He was coming closer...his foot steps so heavy on the ground and his gaze averted from me a moment before it met mine and I saw...

His arms were around me before I could think and he was on the edge of the bed...holding me so gently. I could feel his tears sliding down my neck as his body shook...and I knew I was crying too. My arms gently wrapped around him as I whispered quiet words...meant to soothe. **"Beast Boy...it's okay...I'm...I'm fine now. Please, don't cry...I know you did everything you could to help me but...I chose to stay asleep until I could face the world again. Please..." **It was definately too late to tell him to stop crying because I made it worse...and my own tears wouldn't stop. They came in twin streams as my finger tips slid gently up and down...drawing circles on his back.

He shivered at my touch...but didn't pull away from me...so we stayed there for a long time. Clinging to each other; reunited once more in a beatific moment marred only by the sorrow that I had been gone for so long. I could feel the Titans' eyes on feel their stares but I didn't mind. After awhile StarFire shooed them off and the door slid closed as we sat there...our foreheads touching, staring into each other's eyes, trying to submerge ourselves in their depths; searching for a trace of the old us.

With a shaky breath he drew away...staring at me before words tumbled from his lips, **"You up for some Tofu-tastic delights?" **

I smiled, couldn't help it. Okay so he hadn't changed that much...he was making a stab at being his normal self again and I admired the effort.

**"I missed you too."**

_Getting on a motor bike_

_Looking rather lady like_

_Didn't she just give me a wave?_

_Salty tears _

_It's three in the afternoon_

_Has she disappeared_

_Is she really gone for good_

_Anybody seen my baby_

_Anybody seen her around_

_If I just close my eyes_

_I reach out_

_And touch the prize_

_Anybody seen her around_

_Anybody seen my baby_

_Anybody seen her around_

_If I just close my eyes_

_I reach out _

_And touch the prize_

_Anybody seen her around_

_Lost, lost and never found_

_I must have called her_

_A thousand times_

_Sometimes I think_

_She's just my imagination_

_Lost in the crowd_


	5. It Feels So Alien

**Author's Note: **Sorry you guys, I became preoccupied with other projects but seeing as that some people have been bugging me to post some more chapters for some more of my stories I suppose I shall humor them and do so. Please enjoy! Oh, and please excuse me for going back on my word. I decided not to use Rolling Stones Lyrics for all the chapters...but for some of them. My apologies.

_It's always dark _

_Here in my head_

_The moon is the Empress_

_And the sun is the Challenger_

_Luna's rule must not be questioned_

_And yet it is_

_Here inside my thoughts_

_There is a battle waging_

_Dark and Light_

_Good and Evil_

_Death and Life_

_I long for the light _

_But I am afraid to step outside my shadow_

_Fearful of the consequences I have turned_

_To you for comfort--_

The sound of paper tearing disturbed the silence that had settled in Terra's room in the Tower. The poem she had labored for all but five minutes to create lay in tiny pieces so that if one tried to read they would be daunted to put the pieces back together. Terra's icey blue eyes flashed in annoyance and rage but she soon buried it, for, if she should allow her anger to consume her once more her powers could hurt someone. And that someone could be the one that meant a great deal to her. Beast Boy. Of course, she loved the other Titans as well but it was obvious that Terra and Beast Boy had bonded. Having been confined to strict bed rest until she was fully recovered Terra had to resort to portable video games or helping computerize all the files that the Titans had amassed on their various adventures and opponents.

Staring out the window she glanced down at her legs, covered in a white blanket. Her hands searched for the wheels of her wheelchair and she smiled as she wheeled herself closer to the window, watching the day progress outside. Beast Boy had been dragged off by Cyborg and Robin, giving her some much needed time to herself. Forcing her gaze away from the window she glanced down at the notebook and the pen lying in her lap. _I just can't concentrate...what's wrong with me?_ Frowning slightly she wiggled a bit; wriggling her fingers underneath her leg cast to scratch an itch. She was already itching for company again but she wasn't about to press the button StarFire had placed beside her bed. _I don't want them to get sick of me...I can take care of myself. Besides, they all have work to do and I'd just be in the way...but I swear, once I get better I'm going to make up for everything I've done to them. To this city. I'm not going to look back. _Her icy blue eyes were shining with resolve as she turned and wheeled away from the window, all this soul-searching she had been doing had taken it's toll on her.

**Meanwhile...**

"I think she's bored..." Raven supplied as she and StarFire watched Cyborg and Robin take on the practice course. Her hood drawn back to expose her pale skin to sunshine, arms crossed as she stood, feet spread apart. "Friend Terra does seem especially..." StarFire's brow creased as she sought for the right word, always trying to improve her English. "Anxious?" Beast Boy volunteered as he walked up beside them, arms crossed and eyes narrowed. Ever since he had "temporarily" returned to the Tower he had been listening in on their conversations from afar...defending Terra like a Rottweiler if arguments ensued or unkind words were said.

StarFire brightened at the word and nodded, "Anxious...yes. That is the correct word...isn't it, Raven?" Raven nodded, her gaze carefully trained upon Beast Boy. The usual deadpan traded for a look of cautious concern. None of the Titans had expected such a radical change in Beast Boy and now that he was back it was almost the same...almost. They still had their awkward silences but the boys re-bonded over video games and pizza. With the girls however, especially Raven, Beast Boy was especially guarded. Raven sensed his animosity towards her and flinched at it. She still did not trust Terra...that much was certain. Raven was never one to easily forgive and forget. As far as she was concerned Terra was far past forgiveness, at least hers anyway.

Watching Beast Boy eye her now with anger in his eyes she did not recoil, merely met his gaze. StarFire seemed oblivious as she prattled on about how she and Terra would travel to the house of clothing together and whatnot when she was better. Beast Boy humored StarFire and nodded and mumbled, "Yes..." and "No.." and "That's great StarFire..."

Finally tiring of the strained conversation Beast Boy quietly withdrew, heading toward Terra's room.

Moments later when the handle turned Terra's head jerked up from her writing and she quickly stashed the notebook underneath her pillow. A small smile appeared on her face as she sat up, "Hey Beast Boy! How's everything?" She watched his face, noting the green that had settled there.

"Nice to see you smile...StarFire says you have had the cloud over your head...has something happened?" Terra watched him with quiet inquisitive eyes, noting him twitch uncomfortably.

"Well, everything is okay...I guess...and yeah, I guess I have been a little moody lately..."

"You...guess?" Terra watched him carefully, a frown forming at the corners of her lips. "What's up with you lately, BB? You've been...quiet...and kinda crabby...is there something wrong? You know you can tell me, right?" She watched him carefully, apprehensive of his answer.

Beast Boy shrugged, as though that was all he needed to shake it off but he saw the look of reproach and concern in Terra's eyes and with a sigh he explained, "Raven and the others...I don't know...I don't trust them. I don't like the looks they give me when they think I can't see. I don't like what I see in Raven's eyes every time I look at her. I need to get out of here...but until you're better...I'm staying here with you."

Terra shifted slightly, watching him with that same concern glittering in her eyes. As he finished speaking she turned her head away, hiding behind a shield of golden hair. "You should go, if you feel that way...I don't want you to stay because of me. I'll see you when I get out of here...it'll be great...promise."

She watched as Beast Boy shook his head, "No...I'm not going to leave you here alone with them and their judgements...I would never do that to you."

"I can take care of myself Beast Boy, they won't hurt me...besides I deserve their judgement after...what I did."

"No...no...no way!" Beast Boy's adamant gaze met Terra's and his shoulders sagged a little. Glancing up at her uncertainly from his fidgeting hands.

"Are you absolutely positive that you'll be okay...and that if they get too bad you'll call me?"

Nodding in what Terra hoped was a convincing way she felt her spine straighten as she spoke, "Yes. I'm absolutely positive. I'll call you if the big, bad Teen Titans start picking on me...just go. You don't need to be here if this place makes you miserable. I really wish you guys could make amends. You shouldn't let me get in the way."

"If they don't accept you, they don't accept me," Beast Boy mumbled gruffly, avoiding Terra's gaze.

"Beast Boy...why won't you look at me?" Terra suddenly became very still, staring hard at the green boy that sat at her bedside with his fidgeting hands and lowered eyes. "Does it disgust you to look at me? You feel guilty about choosing me over you friends, don't you? C'mon BB I would NEVER EVER pressure you into choosing me over them. They're your best friends and they only have your best interests in mind when they do the things they do. I betrayed you...and StarFire and Raven and Cyborg and Robin. I betrayed all of you. I wouldn't let myself open up to anyone...I wouldn't...I wasn't...I'm still not ready to let anyone in. I was so afraid of being hurt that every glance turned into a silent accusation. Every word sounded like it was laced with disapproval. I just...I just couldn't take it. I did terrible things to all of you. I DESERVE this."

Terra's head was now bowed, silvery tendrils of hair hanging in her face, bandaged hands clenched into white-knuckled fists, every word was forced out of her, like bile forced out of her lungs. Out of her very soul. "I care about you so deeply...but I didn't show you who I am...you don't know anything about me. Everything you think you know about me is a lie. Everything Robin has in that file about me is a lie. I've lived so many lies...what happens when they become your truths? I can't remember which is fact and which is fiction when it comes to my life."

Beast Boy sat in stunned silence, watching her sit there, her body rigid with mental and physical agony. He felt something inside of him clench, his body tense with disbelief. He half-expected her to rise out of her bed and disappear in a blinding light. Terra was a tie to his past. To a part of him that he had managed to kill and resurrect when she was near and when she wasn't. "Terra..." He whispered helplessly, standing up quietly and moving closer to her.

As he reached out to touch her shoulder she shrank away and whimpered, "Don't touch me...I'm...I'm unclean. I'm...I'm not right. I'm not RIGHT!" Her head jerked up and tears flew from her eyes as Beast Boy momentarily drew back as if she had struck him.

"Terra..." He whispered...moving closer once more, seating himself precariously on the edge of her bed. His arms began to slip around her and he was surprised and yet again at how frail she felt but he felt the strength in her fists as she pummeled his chest, "LET ME GO! LET ME GO! LET ME...GO..." She collapsed against him, hot tears burning through his shirt.

"I can't let you go, Terra. I won't let you fall again. I _can't_," Beast Boy let his chin come to rest on the top of her head, hugging her tightly and he couldn't deny...even in this moment as he held her...he felt the burst of happiness tinged with a premonition that this was far from over...

And he was right.


End file.
